I’m not a victim, but a warrior and survivor!

Today, I feel the need to talk about something that I’ve been keeping inside me for too long. I know people look at me and, thank God, don’t have any idea of what life already have thrown at me. I will share a little bit – not to have your pity, but to be a motivational example that proves that what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger!

I don’t usually share this, just few really know… but well, I shouldn’t be ashamed anymore, because it was not my fault and I believe that this is part of my healing process. Also, I know many others suffer much more than I did and, still do!

I was abused and raped a few times. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 12 years old; I tried to kill myself many times from 2014 onwards. Because of that, I was hospitalized – voluntarily – twice in a psychiatric hospital due to how bad my depression was, and how often I was trying to commit suicide. I was in the university at the time. And now, I also have fibromyalgia, among other things.

As you can see, I had plenty on my plate. But despite all those bad experiences, I consider myself quite happy – poor, but happy. People that know me, can confirm that. I try to be always in a good mood (or pretend to be), cheerful and making many jokes about anything and everything. Well, I can moan and complain if something is wrong as well, I don’t let anything without having my say about it. I’m too honest and blunt, so some people don’t deal very well with that!

Once again, I want to emphasize some of my achievements. I always loved learning and teaching others. Also, boredom is one of my worst enemies. So, I need to be always rather busy with many projects. I don’t like to be only one more person in this world, the same as everybody else. NO! I like to be different and know things that not many are familiar with! I’m a very creative person, with many genius ideas but because of the lack of financial resources and time, most of them never go to the next phase. But, still, I was able to reach some of my goals, please see them below. 👇🏽

With this, I don’t mean to brag or tell that the past didn’t leave scars for life, because those will be with me forever. Some days still can be tough, but most of them are better! Now, I learnt to be the one in control, instead of letting the overwhelming and victim feelings dominate me. My point is, with therapy, willpower, patience, and endurance things start to hurt less and after a bit, they get more bearable. I know I cannot change the past, so I try not to duel in it much. Giving power to the anger to grow and keep asking why or why me, doesn’t take me anywhere. As soon as I accepted that it happened and needed to be dealt with, the sooner my recovery process started! I try to learn from what happened to prevent similar incidents, but I keep living my life as normal as possible. Keeping busy is one of my best therapies, along with writing, music, learning, and computers. I still don’t trust people much though, as a consequence! And to be honest I don’t think I ever will. But well, it’s a protection that I know is necessary and wise.

I’m no better than you, but I hope that my story can give you a little bit of hope, knowing that there are people with many scars that still inspire and give strength to others, even though they don’t know each other. I also have people who I look up to with admiration!

I’m still grateful for some people I have and/or had in my life.

Life happens to teach us lessons and, more importantly, to show us how strong we can be. The hardships are not nice and sometimes, they can be overwhelming! Making us lose the will to live, literally! But, after you overcome them – not that you ever recover from some of them, but when you “learn” to live with them, you kind of feel proud of yourself when you look back and you’re honest with your own self! It can feel weird at first, feeling good about “bad things”, but we are proud of what we become, not of what made us get there! After a while, I was able to realise that my scars make me a more experienced warrior! So, I wonder, if I am a little bit more advanced on my journey, why not help others who are just beginning it or struggling to keep going?! I don’t make miracles neither I heal anyone (nor even myself!), but just having someone that have been through similar situations and is willing to listen, sometimes, is all the help needed!

If you are reading this, I am proud of you for trying to fight and live another day! 😊

I hope you feel comforted, and rest assured that you are not alone!

I’m here if you would like to talk! 😊Be Strong! 💖