Why... how long...?

When did I give permission for someone to make decisions on my behalf? Who’s life is mine? Why would I believe that someone knows better than me what is best for myself if they don’t even know how many siblings I have? What does give people the right to “offer” their opinion when it is not asked???

I’m sick and tired of living a lie… I can’t let myself be led by people that, might have the heart in the right place, but don’t really know what life looks like. Just because you live inside your own bubble, don’t expect that others do the same! Everyone is different, everyone is unhappy in one way or another, but everyone has dreams… and I’m no different! I don’t care anymore what is or not acceptable, I’m exhausted to try to be perfect and do what is expected… I’M HUMAN!

I want to be a mum desperately and to be honest, there is not much time left for that… the biological clock is ticking… I will not wait for someone that never comes… 34 years is a looong wait already!

I’ve been all my life looking after others – and I love it, don’t get me wrong… but, when will be the time for having someone looking after me for a change??? And no, I’m not waiting to get old and to go to a care home for that to happen…. (you are not really being looked after 99% of the time, in there anyway….) for that I prefer to die alone at home… Life is short, people come and go but we are the only constant in our own life… so, why let other draw and plan the path for us? Life is full of mistakes, lessons, coincidences and moments (good and less good). We need all of them to grow, to create our own personalities, make our choices and deal with the consequences. If life was good all the time it would be boring… we would not appreciate things the same way we do now… also, most of the time is in the less good moments that we learn the best gems and that we met the best people. If we would not have bad days, we would not come across certain opportunities as we do! So, we all gain in each and every circumstance… we must adjust our perspective trying to find the positive sides of each situation…

Well, when I say that I would like to be looked after, what am I talking about? Find a rich man, that doesn’t want me to work, just to enjoy life and have kids???? Hell, no! I would be bored to death also… I have a lot of good ideas to create my millionaire business, but I have no time, all the skills needed nor enough money to put into practice! I’m eager to learn, to apply, but after a full-time job, my energy went… So, I would love to be able to work from home, have a lovely husband that works and earns well so I can spend my first year investing my time and efforts in my online businesses so, I would be able to compensate him after, as soon as all the businesses starting to work as expected… then, I would be able to have a stable life to bring up my kids… I don’t want riches, but live comfortably, without counting every penny (like now!)… but what I need the most is understanding, appreciation, love, affection, someone that trusts and believes in me, so then I will be able to prove my worth… it’s bad enough that no one ever believed in me, in my potential …but I still have a tiny little hope that one day I will prove to the world that this stubborn girl, once again, made the difference and got what and where she always wanted to be!

One way or another I will prove my point – positive or negatively… so, I would love to have some support…

I never had a family environment – well, not a good one at least; I never known what love from parents really means… I got used to depending on myself at a very early age, so after all these years I guess I need a little bit of slack and to have someone to share my life with and to have a family that I never had… am I being unreasonable? Too demanding?

I don’t think so!… I’m tired to wait and losing opportunities just because someone else doesn’t think it’s a good idea… well, too bad. If I bang my head I will be the one feeling the pain, therefore I think I have the right to choose when, where, for how long, how hard and if I want to bang it! If I’m the one getting the consequences I must have some benefits also, right? If I don’t ask your opinion, you still can “force it” on me, but don’t expect me to give it too much thought… as I’ve said, at the end of the day I haven’t asked for it.

Life is unfair for everybody… so many people wanting to have children and so many kids are mistreated daily and even killed by monsters so-called “parents”! There are people that are so desperate and wanting to end their lives when, in the next house someone is dying with a terminal and chronic illness, but still would give everything to be able to spend one more week with his beloved ones! Everyone has their own struggles/battles/demons to deal with… even when pretending to have a perfect life. What you see is not the true reality! We cannot see 99% of what someone’s life was and/or still is… so, judging and giving tips are the easiest things to do (because we think we know it all! 🙄), but taking time to reflect and try to understand the reasons behind things is where makes all the difference. If you have nothing nice to say, just don’t say anything at all… All of us like to be respected, to have freedom of choices and privacy, so why not give to others exactly that in return?

Be the best version of yourself… improve every single day… do it for yourself… you deserve it! The others are here just to challenge us and to see us conquer our best dreams! I will be MYSELF no matter what…and the others will make my life harder in order to help me to be resilient and victorious! Believe you’re worthy of your own love! And please don’t judge…! Each of us has scars that will never be seen or even healed… Don’t talk about what you don’t know. What you see is not what the person is feeling or dealing with inside…!