Numb in a selfish world

Like a bouncing ball with no exact direction that keeps being thrown away with the hope that at some point comes back, is the way I feel myself in this world. Last night I was thinking about how life is ironic. People give life to other human beings but daily they also help others who lose their way to live. I like to think that most of that happens with no intention (that thought gives me relief but also chills). How so? Well, means that no matter the reasons behind the “why”, someone will get hurt. If it’s with no intention, the person will keep saying/doing the same because (s)he didn’t notice that hurts somebody; if it’s with intention, well the person has no heart and emotions – it’s wicked!

All of us grew up in different environments, with different families, values, beliefs, and cultures, … But ALL of us, with no exception, have weaknesses, triggers, and something that we prefer not to get even close. Why? Fear? Guilt? Shame? Bad memories? Ghosts? … People give them many names… But no matter what is it…we all have some! Doesn’t matter if we grew up with or without money, these don’t take into consideration people’s bank accounts!

Since we are born we start getting shaped by others’ ideas, beliefs, prejudice, and partiality, which slowly will impact our own way to see the world. Society tells us what we should or shouldn’t do, accept, believe, condemn, what is right or wrong, … But the point is: who is making the rules?! Why would someone’s ideas become a rule? Why is that person’s opinion more important than mine or yours? What has made him or her so wise? Is there always just one way to see things?

Imagine there is an object in the middle of a room and 2 people are asked to describe it. Should we assume that because is the same object the description will be the same? Will they notice the same details? Well, there are many things I haven’t referred to… Where is each individual positioned towards the object? Is the object all the same shape? Are the front and the back perspectives exactly the same? How about the colours? Is one of the individuals colour-blind? … And the list could go on and on.

My point is: there are many truths, perspectives, and reasons and we all want to be right. Let’s see.

Who is right?

Ask them to swap positions? What will they say now?

The question remains: who’s right?

People have different baggage in them…so, the way each of us approaches a subject or situation cannot be the same. But, does it mean that there is just ONE way to fix things? Is that just black and white?! What happens to gray? As we all know, gray is the mix of both primary colours – black and white, but depending on which colour we add in more quantity the gray result will be lighter or darker… Am I right?

So, even though we live in the 21st century, where we overcome much technological evolution and development daily, nothing has been created to change what controls everything in humans – reason and emotions.

Just because I feel something in a certain way and I act on it, doesn’t mean if someone else takes a completely different path, that one of us is wrong!

Practical examples:

What we don’t know is what was behind that reaction… What happened that day, prior to this situation? How was the person feeling? …

It’s so easy to judge… The hardest part is trying to understand, respect and accept! If you are honest, please answer this question: “Do you react the same way every time a regular situation happens? (Ex. Someone asks you to take out the bin…)”

OF COURSE NOT! There are many factors that make us respond differently. Pain, boredom, sadness, happiness, jealousy, anger, annoyance, … So, here we have a lot of other things to think about…and ponder when trying to put the pieces together about people’s reactions!

If I arrive home after a calm and relaxed day at work and I’m asked to put out the bin, I don’t think I would mind at all.

If, on the other hand, the day was exhausting and boring, taking the bin out would be one of the last things I would want to do.

But society makes us live in the same box without taking into consideration our scars. Of course, no matter what we have experienced it is NOT an excuse or justification to do wrong… But, that will always be part of us and, sooner or later will come out… Through our anger, ideas, judgement, prejudice, good deeds, resilience, surrendering, confidence or lack of it. We must live in society, respect each other and learn from one another, but also, we must tolerate and respect much more so what we don’t understand! THIS IS THE REAL CHALLENGE!

Would you deliberately hurt someone? Most people would answer a straight and firm NO!

But, how do you think people feel when you look at them with indifference? When you don’t want to be near them because of the way they look like? Because of their skin colour? Their traditions and culture? You don’t even give a smile back?

As I said, most of the time we don’t do it on purpose but that doesn’t mean that it’s ok. We cannot control what people say or do, but we can control our reactions (most of the time). But can you control your feelings? Our reaction is not our feelings! Usually, the reaction might be the product of our feelings, but not always – and, THANK GOD for that. We all know what is politically correct, but tell that to your feelings!

Example:

Someone made a joke about your culture. You are having a nice day and you know that friend always likes to be funny. You don’t take offence, you laugh with him.

Same situation, same friend, same joke – different day. You were stressed because of something that happened at work. Now you don’t think it’s funny, it’s the second time he says the same joke – maybe it’s more than a joke, maybe it’s his opinion. Well, you have enough on your plate as it is, you let it go.

Another day and once again, the joke comes into the conversation. Your wife is waiting for some test results which can be bad news. You have been giving her support, but you’re exhausted and with no patience for jokes. Now, you will ask him why is that joke coming out all the time? Is it his opinion? Or will you just tell him that it’s enough, you don’t like it when he says that and you’ll leave?!

Well, no matter the situation, these are politically correct ways of handling the situation.

What could change it? What kind of joke was it? Why would he say it over and over? What was his intention?

In the same way, we have baggage, others do too. Some ideas or prejudice are so “normal” for us and on our way to thinking that we don’t even notice when we say things that might hurt… Remember we all get shaped by our experiences and the people who we deal with… And, once again, we will let it come out at some point, one way or another. By ignorance, as a joke, as an idea, opinion, … That’s why it is crucial to share stories, situations, experiences, … Only that way we can try to put ourselves in others’ shoes… Put things into perspective and correct our own deepest ways of thinking and behaving. Also the most important of all, it will make us respect and accept differences. We will never understand everything and everyone. That’s a fact that will never change! (Well, I don’t understand myself half of the time and I spend 24/7 on my company for 35 years!) Good intentions are not excuses, they also hurt and have consequences!

But as I’ve started the article, in a way we are a ball bouncing around in the world, going from one side to another, being thrown and pulled, going with the wind… Most of the time, in my opinion, we lack the courage and confidence to be different and make our point stand!

Being different is not a bad thing, if everyone would dress in yellow, it would be very boring! All voices are important, and all voices matter – when done so with respect – we prove that we all have our place in society!