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The ME – naked and raw! ...
I consider myself quite a regular person, I mean, I am just one more in this world trying to figure it out what I am good at and what I like to do. Looking back, to my past and difficulties since I am a child, I can still see how fortunate I am.
Most people when they first know me have one of two options, or they love me or hate me, there is no middle ground. I am often labelled as a person without filters, who says what thinks, which is mean, … among other things. But after spending some time with me, people can also see my enthusiastic sense of humour, my kindness and affection, as I try to help everyone and so on.
Confession time: It is true that sometimes I speak without thinking, I am very stubborn, usually I also either love or hate people and things, I can’t stand lies and false people. If I love someone and that person cheats or betrays me, well, it was better never to have known me than having me as an enemy, … people have what they ask for: for good I am the best, but for bad, … try me and you will see!
I think each of us grows and develops skills due to all the problems and life experiences we have been through. All good and less positive things shape us and help us to be in a certain way. I remember looking back when I was at school, I was little / short (well, I’m not much taller now!), I was very shy (at first), I liked my own space, being with my close friends, aerobic dancing and playing football. The school has always been my happy and safe place. Sometimes I wonder why … school was where I was good at something, I felt like I was appreciated, that I had some value, and I didn’t even have to make much effort, because learning was not a difficult thing for me, I was the one who looked for things to explore. Well, I think there I felt safe, my brother and friends were there, I loved most of my teachers, I loved mathematics and physical education, my teachers and assistants were good with me, so it looked like a great cosy “home”! Of course, there were also the wicked ones – like everywhere else. And sometimes they made me feel stupid, useless, sad, few intimidated me and beat me sometimes. But I was never too afraid of them, because I always had the others to support me – the good ones that I liked. So, if these coward bullies were trying to mess with me, I would complain to the assistants, or the teachers and they would be in trouble. So, after doing this a few times, they gave up, because even though I was little, I knew how to take care of myself! Also, the wicked were just a few when compared to those who liked me and protected me.
It’s funny that I always looked up for older friends than me, I had my 2 closest friends at school, but I would always have at least one adult I trusted, vented to and who I sought for help, because I wasn’t sure that my friends could understand the things that were happening and most of the time, I was afraid to tell them. But they always supported me the best way they knew and could, and I loved it when I was going to sleep at their house. It was something that would make me incredibly happy! It was as if I had won the Lottery!
When I was a child, there were some qualities that were especially important to me: loyalty, friendship, love, confidence, to be believed and taken seriously, and I always enjoyed giving things (done by me, especially) to those who are important to me. In this sense, I did not even change a tiny bit.
But as we grow up, we must learn important lessons related to these qualities and situations that once and again will put them to the test. Sometimes I failed, and sometimes I was failed … to be honest, I cannot say for sure what hurts more: to be disappointed or the one that disappoints someone! In one situation the guilt consumes us and in the other we learn what deception and disappointment really mean and what others feel when we fail them! But in the end, I have been let down too many times (especially by adults!). So, I started to give up and stopped trusting people. Even today I take a long time to let someone getting close to me. I am polite, funny, helpful, but I do not trust… Besides, I learned that the truth must be said, because the world is already too fake, so if we feed lies and appearances instead of transparency and truth, nothing will ever change! So gradually I started opening up more about what I think, if I do not agree and if people do not like to hear it, well it’s too bad and too late, because I already said it! I am aware that I need to learn to say things without hurting, because I know that sometimes I can be so natural and direct that I bother some people, a few even say that I am rude – and this is not my intention, most of the time! But the truth is, sometimes there is no other ways to say it, the only option would be to lie and that, I do not do, – I prefer to hurt with the truth than to be mild and soft with the lie. People sometimes need this “shock” to wake up. A mild or soft lie hurts twice more than a cold truth, in my point of view.
As I grew up, I had a mixture of rules, conditional freedom, and a lot of confusion, as an adult I was thrown into society where the exact same things are present: the mix of rules, conditional freedom and much more confusion! Therefore, I thought I was well equipped to adapt quickly. And subsequently, I did it. I began to form my own personality, points of view, and of course I started to completely understand many things I had never realized before.
When we are starting the path of adulthood, there is an overload of information, responsibilities, expectations (personal and from others) and we want to take the lead and succeed. The problem is that many are not well prepared for it at the financial, mental or even emotional level. Also, in this respect the school does not prepare us well enough for what is ahead. We do not learn the skills needed to rule a home, manage money, and have enough self-control to challenge ourselves and move on even when things get worse. Most children and adolescents only think about having their own things, being free and doing what they were not allowed until then, and it is normal, but very few try to be a responsible person and plan in advance. For many of them it is a big shock, and they cannot handle it even after some attempts.
Well, I did not have much choice, but to be honest I don’t think I’ve done too bad… I always loved the feeling of my and mine (possession) that comes after paying for my own things! But I was blessed with different relationships and moral standards during my teens, which allowed me to keep the right path, most of the time. But not everyone, unfortunately, can say the same.
As a child, before learning to take care of myself and have developed my own personality, I tried to please everyone, put everyone before me and before what I wanted, … I was a puppet in the hands of others. So, I ended up very hurt, and without understanding I was the one who put myself in that position and gave them the power to step on me! Well, thank God that time is over for some years – now, I am the other extreme – I am not a follower of all the rules or a person who says “yes Sir” to everything! I have a strong personality, strong beliefs, and ambitions. I respect everyone, but I will not always do what is politically correct or expected! Sometimes the shortcuts are good, and the adrenaline of the unknown can be quite interesting!
One question: When you look around the world, how many people do you see who always followed the rules and have been well rewarded for it? Well, I do not see many of those people. Instead, I see many politicians and rich men and women demanding respect, intending to follow the rules and they are the first ones, teaching by example, how to do exactly the opposite! And in the end, who are the winners? Well, not the poor people for sure! In my point of view, we are the ones who gives them the power to do so, and, in the end, we are the ones who pays for their irresponsibility. So, that is why I don’t feel bad if, from time to time, I do something using shortcuts… At least I am not the one that says: “look at what I do and follow my example, because I’m better than you”…
There are some things that I like to remember with love – things that I know are not common to everyone. I was able to seek and create opportunities that allowed me to live very pleasant experiences that sometimes make me feel special.
I have always been a very practical and undeniable person, (I don’t understand why we should complicate what is simple! …) Also, I always wanted to understand the “why and how” of things – everything has a reason to be. So, even today I love learning and exploring! I am a person who gets bored very quickly, I love good challenges, but as soon as I reach my goals, I need to get the next. For example, when I was at school I participated in several competitions (Mathematics, English, Portuguese, …), Football, Singing, Dancing, Plays, … So when I grew up I continued to challenge myself, played football in several Women’s Competition Teams (Salgueiros, Leixões, Gondim), I attended a theatre school for 1 year (I participated in 2 theatre plays), I was model in two agencies (Goodlook and MakeMeAStar), I participated in soap operas as an Extra (Jardins Proibidos, Stª. Bárbara), wrote and published a book in 2012 (“Confissões de uma adolescente”), … Everything while working full time! I like to be busy, as you can tell! I do not like being just one more person, I like to be different, to know what others do not know and always trying to find out more!
I consider myself lucky for having some good experiences that not many can brag about. For example: I wrote and received letters and cards from some teachers while on holidays, I met with them, we had coffee, we went out to walk around the city, I went to their house, I had and still have their contacts (not sure if they are updated though!), later, when I was still studying, I even dated a teacher for 1 year (he was just 4 years older than me),… so these are just a few examples of what helps me to keep going when I feel low and useless! I try to think I was incredibly lucky to have such good relationships and important people in my life that allowed me to grow, that spent time with me and made me feel that I was important and special.
But the least good things in life at the same time also gave me the necessary tools to learn, and they opened the doors of the opportunities to know these fantastic people. If my life had just been another normal life, I would not have had all these experiences that I am so proud of to this day!
I believe everything has a reason to be and I’m very thankful for the great ones! 😊
- Post's Keywords:
- acceptable
- achievement
- achievements
- bored
- boredom
- brain
- cope
- deal
- excitement
- feelings
- fight
- friend
- friendship
- gratitude
- happiness
- heart
- human
- love
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