Letter for you…my…
I’m wondering how it will be when you are next to me, Have you in my arms, feel your warmth and your baby’s smell. Will you have my eyes, my…
There is someone that I’ve known for a long time… Since I’m 14 years old to be more accurate… You arrived in my life as a helping hand…in one of my worst episodes in life…
You were caring and helpful, always there to give me support… But I didn’t trust you at first… It has taken me a lot of time to start letting you in… (In my head – even now – there is no point to let anyone in because as soon as I start to like, trust, and open up to someone, that person leaves… So, what’s the point?!)
I remember a few things like you being nice and talking with me, asking simple questions and I would nod, yes or no, but not much conversation. Joking you would say that I had mutism. I could see how genuinely you were trying… Still, I was not fully convinced! But you were persistent and you finally captivated me… At first, I didn’t want that, so I was angry with myself for being weak and to have let my guard down and my barriers fall, so I was already preparing myself for, at any time now, you tell me that soon you would not be there for me anymore… But you didn’t. You stayed a bit longer and, actually, I was the one “leaving” this time, at some point. I remember when you helped me to open up to you for the first time and we actually had the first of many proper conversations… You were holding my hand gently, pampering it, while I was telling you my bad experience and crying. Since then, because I didn’t feel judged I felt close to you and we were “connected” somehow. Little by little, I was looking to see you, so I would look for you at times, as I would need your hugs and pampering – you were one of my few safe places!
Confession: the first time you said to me “l like you very much” I was so embarrassed…and, because I haven’t heard that before from no one, I thought you were weird. And that put me off a bit… That was one of the reasons for me to not answer back and also because I didn’t know what to say! Until I got used to it, I learned how to respond and I even started needing to hear it more often.
I’m very thankful for your persistence and stubbornness. You gave me hope, light, and more importantly: I know what to be loved means, because it’s exactly how I felt then, and I still feel: loved! Not afraid to express what I feel, as embarrassing as it may seem, and “I like you and I love you very much” has been part of my vocabulary since that time! Thank you!
Thank you for making me see life from a different perspective, to learn that trust is a good thing and that not all time boundaries must be applied: there are exceptions. You were and still are part of my physical, emotional, and personal growth and that is something I will never forget…
Because I think I never thank you properly, I wrote this little text to show you how important you are to me!
Kisses and hugs from your Joaninha
I’m wondering how it will be when you are next to me, Have you in my arms, feel your warmth and your baby’s smell. Will you have my eyes, my…
A small but round face, brown eyes that shine like they’ re smiling. The nose a little bit turned-up… I’m not snobbish at all, but my nose, well…
Have you ever heard or even used the expression “Follow your heart!” before? I’m sure you have. But is it a sensible decision to make?
Today, I feel the need to talk about something that I’ve been keeping inside me for too long.